This week, social secularism  gets thrown out with the old pumpkin innards in the nation's capital as St Paul's Cathedral and the City of London Corporation join forces against a great evil.

What evil, you might ask, could possibly be the reason for this long-awaited reunion? Well, the worst kind of evil – silly, smelly people in tents. The cathedral was forced to close its doors a week ago due to unspecified 'health and safety' reasons regarding the Occupy London Stock Exchange protesters who have set up camp on the cathedral's steps.  A sensible person, having considered the threat a campsite of peaceful protesters can pose to the average churchgoer, can only interpret these 'health and safety' complaints to mean 'smelly people'. After (slightly fabricated) reports of a clergyman running up the steps of the Cathedral, clutching his eyes and screaming "it burns, it burns",  only days after the well-documented singed nose hair affair, the clergy were forced to decide that enough was enough, and that legal action was necessary to prevent any further incidents.

Patronisingly reducing the Occupy movement to a glorified Boy Scouts expedition, David Cameron gave his two pence on the selfish, inconvenient camping practices of the protesters, saying that he doesn’t “quite see why the freedom to demonstrate has to include the freedom to pitch a tent almost anywhere you want to in London.”
Indeed, history has shown us time and again that convenient, out-of-the-way protests tend to be to the greatest effect.

In related news, the non-literal flames of civil resistance are spreading to the air. Or at least the tarmac of Birmingham airport. Passengers, who were shepherded from Manchester to Birmingham and generally fucked around by airline Viking Hellas for four hours, decided to stage a sit-in on their Athens-bound flight after being told to disembark. They eventually decided to leave the plane because the air-conditioning had been turned off and the airline refused to feed them, but they stuck it to the man for an admirable eight and a half hours.

So, to summarise, it's exciting times we're living in, and we should all seize the opportunity to write ourselves into the history books of our grandchildren. How will you give the finger to the establishment this week?