I    am “le male.” Part protein supplement, part continental couture. My hobbies include pouting, tensing, exfoliating, moisturising, manscaping and colour coordinating. I haven’t really got a job, but I know some great places to eat and am pretty good at staring alluringly into middle distance. I’m basically Barbie’s Ken. Handsome, plastic and ball-less. Forget your visceral avoidance of femininity, aggressive self reliance, and emotional retardation because the metrosexual has replaced the man.

To begin my investigation into this apparent transformation, I borrowed a copy of my friend’s ‘Esquire’ magazine. What a read. Page after page of “manstructions.” The metrosexual man is not quite what I had imagined. He’s a secret academic. A fashionable polymath if you like, skilled in everything from killing badgers to applying spray tan (admittedly to himself). The ironically titled ‘maverick issue,’ where the magazine proceeds to tell you how to be a maverick, attempts to rekindle some sort of ‘gentlemanliness’ (albeit with some rather un-gentlemanly lady pictures along the way), giving advice on choosing whisky, cooking British fish and performing the Heimlich manoeuvre all without disturbing your painfully stylish scarf. Seriousness, it seems, is sexy. The tiny number of jokes pages were handily titled  “humour” – just in case there was any doubt.

But enough cynicism. Is this really what is expected of the modern man? I assembled a group of male friends, Sam, Matt and Reggie to have a “man chat” – or just a chat. I chucked them in at the deep end and asked what demands are made of the modern male. “I don’t think it is very clear what is expected of a man” comments Matt, legs effeminately crossed. “At least, it doesn’t seem as clear as it used to be.” Reggie nods in agreement. “Men’s roles have changed a lot. There used to be a fairly strict delineation between male and female roles, but now that boundary has become blurred and I think a lot of men have struggled to adjust.”

“I think just like anyone, the ‘male’ just tries to conform and not stick out,” says Sam. “I’ve tried to go to the gym for example because I feel that society sort of expects a man to look more muscular than I maybe am at the moment. I’d also think twice about doing certain things which may not be considered ‘manly’ - like watching certain films.” He pauses and looks at the floor. “Having said that, I have watched Mamma Mia three times, and enjoyed it.”

Expectations, it seems, are not clearly defined. In addition to the metrosexual, effeminate man, there is the vaguely practical, anorak-wearing, adenoidal vision of masculinity championed by James May on his new ‘Man Lab’ programme. It doesn’t matter what a man looks like, but as long as he can build a kitchen or defuse a Nazi bomb, he is ‘a man.’ There are also the ‘lads,’ epitomised by the ‘banter’ of ‘truelad.com.’ “The lad,” they comment, is “a beer-chugging, banter-loving, footie-watching, womanising man.” He couldn’t care less about being stylish, practical or useful – he lives for ‘banter.’
Chatting to my ‘focus group’ it seems that the ‘lad’ has had the most impact on our collective male experiences. Being a lad is all about fitting in, and gaining the respect of your male peers. Very primal. “When you’re finding yourself amongst a new group of people in a new environment, fitting in is an absolute priority,” comments Sam. “You are expected to drink excessively, and I don’t think that’s a new thing. When I go home I’m always asked by friends how ‘wasted’ I’ve been getting, and I’ll be honest, I play up to it. Drinking, losing control and basically being a lad are seen, especially by other blokes, as good and normal.”

“I have to say, I don’t really feel that I had to conform to the lad culture” says Reggie, his arms crossed, sitting there with biceps thicker than most men’s thighs. “Loads of guys do though, and it is certainly pretty prevalent at Uni.”

But is the ‘lad’ is a dying breed? In Sam’s view, in the most grotesque of conceptions, James May’s adenoidal anorak man and the stylish metrosexual are breeding with the ‘lad’ to create a new male. “I think laddishness, traditional manliness and metrosexuality are coming together,” he comments. “I don’t think it is still acceptable just to be a lad, just to be practical or just to be stylish. To be a real man you have to be all three.” Reggie interrupts in disagreement. “I think the only thing we can say is that men are being forced by the media to be a bit more stylish than they once were. I don’t think laddishness or traditional manliness has much to do with it. Who defines ‘manliness’ anyway?”

“I certainly don’t feel pressured into being laddish or particularly practical” says Matt. “I think stylishness and metrosexuality is only becoming a bigger thing in certain groups. With some people I’d feel a bit out of place not paying attention to my appearance, but with most of my friends I don’t think it really enters my head. I love playing the unfashionable bumbling idiot!”

“But do you feel that today, society, and notably other men, expect you to try with your appearance in a way that they never previously demanded?” I ask. All three answer ‘yes.’

Although Sam, Reggie and Matt have differing views on what is expected of a man, all can agree that the expectation of society (both male and female) is that to be a modern man, appearance is increasingly  mportant. Aware of this new market, Matthew Crowson, a twenty-something entrepreneur, founded ‘themodernman.co.uk’ with a friend, shortly after leaving university. Now running one of the UK’s foremost male grooming websites, Crowson said “there has been a massive increase in the number of men using grooming products, personal treatments, fragrances, and so on.” So why such an increase? “I think that the desire to look and feel good is driven by role models like David Beckham and Ryan Reynolds, who use and endorse grooming products while remaining masculine,” commented Matthew.

I wonder if being more feminine is just the latest way to score ‘man points’ (a concept championed by ‘lad’ culture). Hikaru is a probably my most well-groomed male friend, and a regular subscriber to Esquire. I wondered if he agreed with my ‘man points’ observation. “It is always fun to be a maverick,” comments Hikaru. “I think anyone who has the guts to step outside what is expected of them, or how they are supposed’ to dress deserves ‘points,’ whether ‘man points’ or not. As long as it is making them feel happy, and they feel good about it, then actually, what does it matter about pleasing other people?”

Do non-grooming men feel intimidated by these groomers? Has the metrosexual become the new alpha male? “No,” says Sam flatly. “There are different ways to define yourself, and I just see groomers as people who’ve made a different choice to me.” Reggie and Matt agreed. “It is an interesting question,” says Reggie. “I suppose in some places it has become the norm to be groomed, and I guess in that situation if I wasn’t careful with my appearance I’d feel intimidated. For example,  in some parts of Asia nowadays, men are generally expected to be well groomed. It is pretty unusual if they are not, and I reckon they are often judged negatively.”  Feeling a mild sense of intimidation in certain circumstances seems to be a fair summary of the group’s consensus. But is it that some men make the decision to groom? I talked to Hikaru to find out more.

“It is to feel good about yourself” says Hikaru. “For me it is not really about being fashionable as defined by a magazine. Grooming and such like puts me  in a better frame of mind so that I can deal with more important stuff. Another reason I suppose is that men have finally realised that just as women can use appearance to their advantage, so can men, and we might as well use it if we can!” I wondered if Hikaru had ever felt pressured into grooming? “No” he says. “Although it is getting more common for guys to take more care over their appearance – maybe driven by the media showing really well groomed guys with successful lives. For me it was just a personal choice.”

“Grooming is just an extension of healthiness” comments Matthew Crowson, “and healthiness has always been popular with men.” Having heard the pro-grooming arguments I think that grooming beyond basic levels of hygiene still seems to be a bit of a rich boy’s habit. Daddy’s cash is needed to purchase grooming products, the diet of guidance magazines and to live the much hyped ‘stylish life.’ As a result, the sleek swagger of the new ‘lad’ doesn’t constitute a redefined ‘man,’ rather, a new, very middle-class student interpretation of manliness.“The cynic in me thinks that this male grooming fad is not a novel or important aspect of healthiness, but a ploy by the cosmetics industry to open up a new market,” says Matt.
“I think there may be a new type of manliness but it is pretty niche,” Sam concludes. “Whom it is driven by doesn’t really matter because unless it becomes such a force that it changes the attitudes of the majority of lazy men like me,  and I’m not likely to start grooming any time soon.”

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