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| Film's top ten Christmas movies |
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Film can hear those slay bells ringin'. Can you? Die Hard People forget that this is a Christmas movie, what with all the killing and off-colour language, but this flick is a true holiday heart-warmer. A New York cop flies to LA to be with his estranged wife, only to find her office Christmas party taken over by EAST GERMAN TERRORISTS! The only way to save Christmas is to kill all of ‘em! Yippee-ki-yay motherfucker! Jesus would be proud. It’s a Wonderful Life Ever have one of those days where you wake up, drink a whole bottle of gin and wander on to the motorway? That used to be us here at Film. This movie changed everything! Now we know that we all make a difference in other people’s lives, and all we need is love and a faithful dog, or something. X- Men II This gripping mutant action film is... X-MAS...! Never mind. The Muppet Christmas Carol In this brilliant, post-modern reimagination of Charles Dickens’ classic tale, all of the people are replaced with anthropomorphic, oddly sexual cloth puppets. Sir Michael Caine lends his voice to the old miser Ebenezer Scrooge, who finds the real meaning of Christmas by travelling through time with ghosts! Forget Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, THIS is a drug movie. Home Alone A chilling, hyper-violent tale of a boy abandoned by his parents on Christmas who manifests his rage by torturing two impoverished men. Macaulay Culkin plays the sadistic child, who sets violent traps around his house that give the killer from Saw a run for his money. I don’t know why this is such a beloved Christmas film. Truly disturbing. The Snowman A magical film about a boy whose snowman comes to life, taking him on a journey to the North Pole to meet Santa Claus. There are no words, only a haunting soundtrack playing behind the brilliant animation. A tale of love, loss, scarves, and the re-released version is narrated by David Bowie! Another entry into the Christmas drug movie category. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Another animated Christmas flick about a misfit reindeer who uses his glowing, red nose to guide Santa’s sleigh through the night sky. Yeah, yeah, whatever. What’s really cool is that if you play this simultaneously with Dr. Dre’s The Chronic, the lips synch up PERFECTLY! Also, I believe this the first on-screen appearance of the abominable snowman, who later changed his name to Judi Dench. Santa’s Slay Possibly the finest offering in the Christmas horror sub-genre, this film presupposes that Santa is actually Satan, who lost a bet with an angel that said he had to distribute gifts to children for centuries. But this Christmas, the bet is off, and Santa goes on a bloody rampage! The greatest thing about this movie is that Santa is played by Jewish pro wrestler Bill Goldberg. Classic. The Nightmare Before Christmas Don’t let the tweenage goths ruin this one for you. Tim Burton has created, nay, dreamwoven, a brilliant vision that marries the macabre, Victorian style of illustrator Edward Gorey with Burton’s darkly funny, touching storytelling that echoes his earlier Edward Scissorhands. Danny Elfman provides an amazing score and the singing voice of hero Jack Skellington, who brings Christmas to Halloweentown! How the Grinch Stole Christmas! A prescient look at the dangers of cave-dwelling, Christmas-hating grinches. Did Dr. Seuss have Osama Bin Laden in mind when he wrote this tale? If so, we need to send a care package of Who-pudding, roast beast, and bizzle-binks to the Afghan mountains right away! And that mean old terrorist’s heart will grow three sizes on that Christmas day!
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