Trampled deep into the over-trodden festival ground of You Instead is a single good-idea-when-you’re-drunk. Shooting a feature film entirely at T in the Park. After all, everyone remembers their own festival experiences as deliriously cinematic episodes to be talked of only in hushed tones later. Unfortunately though, it’s never overly interesting to approximately everyone who didn’t go, as this film cannily proves.

The film mingles fiction and reality, not least because its leading lady is a near double of Alexa Chung and plays a character whose name could well be ‘Alexa Chung’. Live footage from the festival any music fan has watched already on BBC4 is intercut with dreamy montages of a group of overly styled youths, boozing and posturing as only fictional musicians can, seemingly ripped from hair product ads.

They are a dismal bunch, with the collective charisma, depth and erudition of a hair gel model. The opening zinger, delivered with a staggering lack of conviction by the quirky bespectacled synth-player is; “You’re band is called ‘The Dirty Pinks’? Why not just call yourself ‘The Vaginas’. ‘Cause you’re about to get fucked.” Despite the gonzo production method, You Instead is conspicuously scripted, and badly at that. Hallam Foe director David MacKenzie must have winced when the crude American band manager spits at quirk-specs-synth, “This is Scotland. They’re going to deep-fry you out there!”

And what of the handcuffed rivals in inanity; ‘Alexa’ and let’s just call him ‘Alex’? I know what you’re thinking; ‘A peachy pair of thinly differentiated pop stars? They’ll gnaw their own hands off to escape each other! They’ll chew through their own flesh and gristle with gnarly relish!’ No. They fall in love. Frankly, you'd rather have watched the former. Anything Instead?