Horoscopes: 1st March 2017

AQUARIUS

Clarify your stance on pineapple and pizza before shit hits the fan. Choose carefully.

SCORPIO

Don’t be afraid to rely on others for help sometimes! Your flatmates in particular really love you even when everyone isn’t always on the same page with the small stuff.

ARIES

Work on your conception of audience. You may have 800 Insta followers admiring your immaculate biology notes, but snapchatting your beautiful myeosis diagram isn’t a winning strategy to secure that Tinder date.

CANCER

You feel bored, but it isn’t your course or your romantic life that needs new energy; it is time to test your culinary boundaries. The foods you have been avoiding for so long are calling. You next favorite food is one you haven’t heard of yet. Go!

GEMINI

There is one single solution to your financial and emotional issues and it is dog-sitting. You’re welcome.

CAPRICORN

Your sass and verbal side eye is a gift to the world. How can you ensure everyone gets to experience it? You may just need a vlog.

LIBRA

Stop judging and embrace your inner child. Scooters cut commute times.

PISCES

In these wild times, political activism is on the rise around you – friends at marches and closer friends drunk calling their senators. Your best path to political influence is to pick up golf. Trump golfs six times a month, so direct access to POTUS is closer than you thought.

SAGITTARIUS

Try to preserve any positive archives you can from your life, because your grandchild is going to be a early 21st century historian and might suffer from a occupation-related depressive disorder.

TAURUS

No, you aren’t the only one worried about global warming. Talk to freshers from countries like Sweden or Iceland without dystopian political landscapes or dissertations to worry about.

LEO

You are always telling people “I don’t get hangovers!” and you never notice those knowing looks exchanged by older students. Get ready, friend.

VIRGO

Get ready for a massive falling out with a close friend. It is going to suck.

Image: Mark Morgan via Flickr

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