Mr Market

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. Never, Mr Market assures me, have more prophetic words issued forth to describe the impending divorce of the City’s erstwhile protective parents, England and Scotland. Indeed, this week’s massive move abroad of vast sums by panicked fund managers has inspired Mr Market to start his own campaign for the preservation of the persecuted Homogenus Bankerus. So, dear reader, Mr Market is proud to announce the launch of the Bankers’ Advisory Society for Trade, Advocacy, Restitution, and Damages. Yes, BASTARD has your back, even if you’d rather it didn’t.

The agenda is certain to be chock-a-block. A vengeful Socialist party ruling the European Parliament threatening harsh rules on bonuses only compounds the growing nightmare of imminent deflation and recession in the Eurozone. Russia is on a nationalistic protectionist prowl, Abenomics in Japan is proving unfruitful in resolving the long-running liquidity trap, and asset prices in the US are nearing historical highs only before seen in 1929 and 2002. Mr Market, BASTARD Supreme Master, crusades aloud: “We shall fight them on the golf course, we shall fight them in the boardroom, and we shall never surrender (until knocking off time at six)!”

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