ROYGBIV: The Kardashi-o-meter

We all go to the gym to improve our derrieres, enacting awkward squats and lunges at the peril of those behind us. Basically, all we want for Christmas is Kim Kardashian’s bum! (Not really though, it would totally get in the way). With all the butt related media these days, we have been creeping a lot recently. And while we accept that maybe it’s a little weird to perve on a stranger’s bum at the gym, or while you walk up the stairs in DHT, it’s perfectly ok to do this through the veil of cultural appreciation. For our enjoyment as much as yours, we present our top four bums across all of culture.

1. The Three Graces, Peter Paul Rubens – You get three for the price of one in this 17th Century masterpiece. The medium definitely allows for definition in the creases, and we’re talking about a fair few creases. These bums are more paunch than pert but(t) the women look happy, so hey, maybe the cake was worth it. This is jiggly three on the Kardashi-o-meter.

2. Benedict Cumberbatch as the Monster in Frankenstein – we know we need to get over him but seriously, that’s one fine bum. This is one last elegaic chorus to celebrate his  glorious gluteus maximus. If you’ve seen the National Theatre production, you’ll agree that the costume department had fun sourcing the smallest loincloth in the country, I mean, wouldn’t you? After all the wax strips he went through, the least we can do is appreciate the (rear) end product. Bumberbatch comes in at a firm eight on our Kardashi-o-meter.

3. The Kiss, Auguste Rodin – Though you only get a peak of the behinds of these two passionate lovers, it has the 3D appeal we all crave nowadays. The pentelican marble from which Rodin carved looks so inviting and supple, one cannot help but caress these lusty haunches – but don’t really, you’ll get thrown out of the gallery. Rodin’s work is worthy of a nine on the Kardashi-o-meter.

4. Daniel Radcliffe in Equus – Yes, Harry Potter’s unsheathed sword of Griffindor did induce cries of Expelliarmus. However, people should have taken notice of the quaffle on the other end. The Chosen Bum bared all on the big stage but few people commented on the actual material presented. We’re here to rect(um)ify the situation by awarding him a six on our Kardashi-o-meter.

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