The Student couldn’t be bothered tuning in for seven hours to watch one hour of American Football. We don’t even care who won. But Injury Time thought it would be perverse if this week’s issue didn’t make any mention of the main feature of every Super Bowl – the adverts. Here, dear readers, are the worst of all time:

Viewers were treated to Pam Tebow being spear tackled by her 2007 Heisman Trophy winning “miracle baby” Tim – whom doctors had urged her to abort due to dysentery complications. The commercial, by conservative Christian organisation Focus on the Family, was aired by CBS despite protests from women’s groups and the fact it was shit. 2000 – Christopher Reeve: Miracle recovery – Nuveen Investments.

The message here was that in the future, new things will be discovered. No arguments there. Cue paralysed Superman star Christopher Reeve’s head, grafted onto a giant body, being carried onto the screen by giant legs. So sinister it was that it made Nuveen Investments look like an Alien style evil corporation of the future, rather than whatever it is they actually are.

One of the earliest attempts at resurrecting a dead man to sell a product. What better way to honour the most thoroughly masculine dancer of all time than a Mrs Doubtfire-style vacuum cleaning session.

“New nose – $6000. Lips - $3000. New chest - $8000.” Cost of ruining your company’s image during the Super Bowl – approximately $3m. Bob Johnson undergoes a sex change much to the dismay of Seinfeld’s Kenny Banya in a budget hotel. Enough said. The commercial resulted in boycotts from numerous gay, transsexual and transgender groups not only for the insensitive portrayal of their people but for the insult of being compared to a Holiday Inn.

There are few situations in which a large company can commission a group of white mercenaries to hunt down a black African on home soil, drug him, force him into unwanted foreign footwear and not be seen as racist. Unfortunately for Just For Feet, they discovered that a Super Bowl advertising slot was not one of them. They sued advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi for their ineptitude, who promptly countersued Just For Feet for theirs, resulting in the latter filing for bankruptcy later that year.

After a 2007 Super Bowl ad rated by many as the worst of the year, Salesgenie.com returned to once again mop up the competition. It may surprise you to learn that a commercial featuring cartoon pandas set in ‘Ling Ling’s Bamboo Furniture Shack’ ran amidst protest from Asian groups – not only for its cheap stereotyping but for featuring some of the worst Chinese accents ever attempted.