The only thing more impressive in Twilight than Taylor Lautner’s abs is how Stephenie Meyer wrote four books about a girl’s quest to lose her virginity. Bella finally gets her dying wish in Breaking Dawn Part I as she loses more than her maidenhood - her sanity and life - after she falls pregnant with a vampire-human baby. The result is scarier than the dialogue.

The Twilight world is one of its own with flannel-wearing werewolves, therefore it has to be judged on its own merit. Breaking Dawn is the best of the films, despite it being the worst book. The novel is Meyer’s 756 page pro-life agenda and the film executes this material well. Director Bill Condon transforms the series from a cheesy Youtube style tribute to a legitimate film complete with dazzling cinematography, makeup that makes the characters look like they’ve slept in the last century (even if they haven’t) as well as getting the best performances out of his actors.

Kristen Stewart is no longer blinking away in Edward’s sparkle, but convincingly conveys both ecstasy and pain without seeming like she’s orgasming, as was a problem in the past. Lautner doesn’t use his black t-shirts to express brooding Jacob, but actually manages to emote. Let’s just say that Robert Pattinson’s six-month exercise regimen for the honeymoon paid off. Having three strong leads saves the film, which loses direction faster than Jacob can lose his shirt.

It’s sensory overload. The Cullen-Swan wedding gives the Royal Wedding a run for its money. Bella’s wedding gown is quickly disregarded during the honeymoon, which is more romantic than risqué – still, it should give Twihards their hard-on. The beauty of the first half is ruthlessly cast off like all of Bella’s respect for her own life as it turns into a visceral horror film with her pregnancy. What was impossible to imagine in the novel is so vivid in the film that it’s difficult to watch.

The star rating of this film may seem paradoxical, but so is Twilight. Breaking Dawn is not for virgins of the series, but for those who have been bitten, it will satisfy.